The Other Opposition
There’s Nothing Wrong With Plucking
According to statistics just released by the Department of Pornography, “Plucking” is less of a fetish and more of a normalized behavior. For those who don’t know, Plucking is engaging in a Ducklie-related sex act or being an outspoken proponent of Ducklie-related sex or sexuality as proofed by wearing “Plucker gear.” Plucker gear can loosely be described as paramilitary clothing with the affectations of a cartoon duck. Each patch, bill type, and feather arrangement has a unique and clearly defined meaning recognized by all serious Pluckers.
Central Media Conglomerate personalities as well as religious community leaders universally condemn the Plucker phenomenon. However, we at The Other Opposition don’t see sex between humans as natural or necessary.
Another question neglected in serious discourse is why do Pluckers seem to be exclusively male in news reporting? Our guess is the CMC wants to limit the spread of Plucker Culture by convincing the public there is no feminine interest in any form of aberrant Ducklie fandom, which allows the elite caste to maintain control over society. It’s a difficult balance. While there is much to criticize about our betters, establishing personal values and rebuilding society from the ground up is not an acceptable solution. If people began to create and share ideas for new cultural groups, norms, and activities they would weaken the foundation of Consensus & Convention on which our great Nation is based. As amusing as they may look, the Pluckers are a threat that must be stopped at all cost.
Lucky Plucker Forum
How To Feel Good VII
Today is a great day for the Plucker Kingdom. DLTP is releasing a new immersive virtual experience. The ride gives us the full sensory intimacy with Ducklie we need and deserve. Our friends on the inside tell me its got a 360 degree screen, 21 audio channels, and vibrating seats. The best part is that it’s single user so you’re totally cool to Pluck.
Ducklie Life Theme Park Might Be Too Much Fun
After conducting numerous tests, our independent investigators found sperm all over Ducklie Life Theme Park’s new immersive experience pods. Like a lot of sperm. And it doesn’t stop there. Ducklie look-a-likes are having sex for money with racially indiscriminate park guests in the bathrooms and without giving due compensation to Ducklie Life Theme Park or CMC. This coincides with a significant loss of revenue from Ducklie Life Theme Park’s numerous cuddle cafes.
Milda Presley, a spokesperson for the Committee for the Expansion and Codification of Moral Authority sent park officials several angry public letters since the announcement of the park’s opening with a Ducklie theme. Presley is also thought to be the sender of the strange package detonated by police earlier this morning, but that has yet to be proven. She demands the immediate and universal de-sexualization of Ducklie.
All of this is happening in the midst of escalating complaints of violent altercations and strange sexual rituals involving the Men’s Ducklie purses. Although a curfew has been imposed on carrying a Men’s Ducklie purse in public after 6PM, many men have taken to hiding their purses in strollers as they go about town after-hours.
The all female “Clucker” sub-culture has emerged around the issue of the mostly male fetishization of Ducklie. One of the Cluckers’ central beliefs is that Ducklie generates arousal in women just as much as, if not more than in men. Despite the rapid spread of this movement, sales of the Women’s Ducklie purse are abysmal as the Cluckers prefer the Men’s Ducklie purse. What makes both the Clucker and Plucker phenomena frightening is the obvious acceleration to perversions in Consensus & Conventions.
An important example of how uncontrolled changes in ideas leads to obliteration is how the Clucker cult has led to a shortage in wheelchairs. The uptick in the ranks of the Cluckers occurred a few days after the spike in stroller sales due to the curfew. With strollers all sold out, Cluckers are purchasing and rolling around in wheelchairs to conceal their Men’s Ducklie purses after hours.
There was a conspiracy theory floating around that the stroller and wheelchair shortages will lead to cheaper and more abundant strollers and wheelchairs in the near future. Thankfully the kooks spreading such dangerous and absurd gaslighting have been dealt with.
This entire story is a work of fiction. None of the characters, events, and organizations are real, nor do they intentionally refer to real people, events, or organizations with the possible exception of parody. This work is for entertainment purposes only.
© Insolent Cool Inc. 2021 All Rights Reserved.